FIRST INTERNATIONAL SEX BAND Anita 1969 Dutch psych LP

$

255

MONSTER here, kids – and one of the RAREST albums of all time, surely.  A little racy too, so if you’re under the age of 18, it might be time to hit up mom and dad for a little advance on that college tuition, because THIS one’s got the power to get you through quite a few lonely, prom-less nights.  The album’s called “Anita” – and judging by her performance on Side 1, she’s probably the chick with the flaming pie on the cover.  The band is called the First International Sex Opera Band, and who am I to argue with a bold claim like that?  Don’t worry, though, there’s not a shred of opera to be found here, unless you consider the operatic moans and wails of Anita in flagrante delicto as a sort of Showtime After Dark version of the Mikado.  It was recorded and released on the small Dutch Sexclusief label in 1969, and sold only in adult shops (so if yer dad’s got one, don’t let him tell you he bought it at Sam Goody in Amsterdam).  Supposedly this is really Ron Westerbeek from the Dutch 60’s band Sandy Coast under a pseudonym, but I don’t think anyone’s officially verified that, and besides, I’d much rather know who this “Anita” is.   So what’s it like?  Well, there are only 2 tracks on the album, “Part 1” and “Part 2”, and neither of which have much in common.  We’ll start our journey of sexual awakening on Side 1, “Part 1”, which, after all, is why you came to the Red Light District in the first place.  It starts off innocently enough, with some jazzy Frippertronic guitar panning from speaker to speaker, and you can tell right off the bat this is 1969 and someone behind the board is really digging the new “hifi stereo” sound.  But someone else is in the studio today, and her name is Anita, a perky little blond-haired, blue-eyed Dutch lass who finds the music a bit more pleasurable than you do.  And soon she’s giggling, sighing, moaning – and yes, even COUGHING (so much for editing) – along to the sounds of the First International Sex Opera Band because, hey, Frippertronic guitar sounds are just so darn HOT!  Ahh, but Anita’s just getting started.  Soon, her coos and coughs turn into full-fledged sexually-charged WAILS and MOANS, along with a few unearthly noises that have yet to be categorized, as the music…ahem, “rises” to the occasion.  The producer, meanwhile, remains undaunted by Anita’s explicit writhing on the studio floor – he’s way too busy making sure her sweaty vocalizations are properly panning from left to right, and he does his job well, even IF he’ll be going home alone tonight.  At the 4-minute mark, Anita goes on yet ANOTHER coughing jag, and you can either put 2 and 2 together or just believe she’s a coal miner suffering from black lung.  Now, before you think this is just an extended Jane Birkin single, things get REALLY interesting when Curly from the Three Stooges brings out something that sounds like a power drill at the 5-and-a-half-minute mark, and yes, Anita does her best with it because the producer’s still panning away.  By now, she’s SCREAMING and SHRIEKING with pleasure, because secretly, she’s always been a big fan of the Stooges (especially Moe), but even she’s not prepared for what happens next.  The music completely dies down, except for a drum solo, as Curly takes Anita over his knee and begins to spank her repeatedly.  At first, she likes it, but soon the sound of slaps and screams becomes SO intense, you really think someone should call the police, or at least the guy who directed “Hostel”.  At 9 minutes, the hum of the power drill has grown into the sound of a small jet engine, and you wonder what the HECK it’s gonna TAKE to get this chick off.   Well, I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination, but just tell you it involves a refugee from the Benny Hill Show, a studio audience and the words “num num num.”  Enough said.  Your reward for satisfying Anita - a groovy little organ/guitar go-go coda, as everyone dances and shimmies around the studio like crazed satyrs in a land where you can actually window shop for one night stands.  Truly a draining experience, and gives new meaning to the term “head music.”  “Part 2,” on the other hand, sounds like someone put Jimi Hendrix, Miles Davis, Pink Floyd’s “Interstellar Overdrive” and a John Zacherley album in one big blender and set it on “puree.”  Some explanation is in order.  It starts out with a sound similar to the beeping heart monitor guitar in “Interstellar Overdrive”, then as the music begins, the tempo starts racing faster and faster, castanets shaking furiously while ghostly moans and wails hover inexplicably in the background like the cast of a Hammer horror film mistakenly showing up in a Peter Fonda flick.  As the tempo keeps racing faster and faster, the mayhem grows wilder, and then suddenly stops.  All that’s left is a creepy Haunted Castle organ and more ghostly moans and wails – and if this album is still about sex, then we’ve entered the land of seriously deranged fetishes, boys and girls.  Good thing necrophilia has an r&b backbeat, though, because now we’re positively COOKIN’ – as some trippy feedback-drenched Hendrix guitar solos kick in, and the organist, who had been drifting for most of the evening, finally settles into a nifty little descending “I’m a Man” riff.  The Spencer Davis Group Sex, anyone?  There’s also a jazzy bass guitar vamp, and more horrific screaming and yelling from the castle dungeon, and I can’t help thinking that anyone who bought this album from the Franeker Fetish Shoppe had better gotten off on Side 1, ‘cuz this side ain’t doing it.  Now, I fully understand that, as much as I have written, words can’t do this demented masterpiece justice, so there’s a sound clip below if you’re not on the library computer, or mom and dad aren’t nearby.  I’ve only seen this album offered for sale ONCE before, to which the seller added, “it seems like even more rare than the Open Mind record – this one might never show up again!!!”  Well, it has, and here it is.  Now who’s MAN enough to win it?   Original 1969 pressing on the Dutch Sexclusief label.  Cover's in VG+ shape - front looks great but is missing the girl sticker, back has some minor staining and ringwear.  1-inch split seam on bottom edge, all other seams intact.  Vinyl looks great, no marks, no scratches, still shiny, plays strong VG+ to VG++.