1967 ZAPPA ABSOLUTELY FREE 1ST USA LP W/ 15 PG LIBRETTO

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1967 - THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION - ABSOLUTELY FREE - 12" VINYL RECORD LP - ORIGINAL FIRST USA STEREO PRESSING WITH THE OFFER / AD OR IF YOU WANNA CALL IT A " BURB " PRINTED INSIDE OF THE GATEFOLD COVER THAT TELLS YA' TO SEND IN $1 TO A P.O. BOX IN LOS ANGELES TO GET  COPY OF THE LIBRETTO OR EVEN A FEW FREAK OUT HOT SPOTS MAPS WERE STILL AVAILABLE IN 1967 THIS IS THE ORIGINAL STEREO MIX VERSION OF THIS ALBUM, IT CONTAINS ROY ESTRADA AND JIMMY CARL BLACK  WHO HAD RECENTLY PASSED AWAY IN GERMANY - THE ORIGINAL BASS PLAYER AND DRUMMER OF THE MOTHERS, AND WHOM FRANK ZAPPA REPLACED WITH SCOTT THUNES AND CHAD WACKERMAN ON THOSE 1980'S REISSUES } - THIS PRESSING INCLUDES A VERY NICE HEAVY CARDBOARD GATEFOLD COVER - BUT WAIT...., THAT'S NOT ALL, BECAUSE ALSO INCLUDED IS A 15 PAGE COPY OF THE LIBRETTO THAT HAD BEEN AVAILABLE BY MAIL ORDER ONLY - VERVE RECORDS BLUE LABEL V6-5013 - SEE THE PHOTOS THAT GEEZERS WITH INQUIRING MINDS JUST MIGHT WANNA SEE - OK LARRY?

YEAH, I MIGHT BE YET ANOTHER MISERABLE NON-PAYING JACK O' LOAF, AND E-BAY WILL MOST LIKELY KICK MY ENORMOUS BUTTOCKS OFF SOON ANYWAY, BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CALL MY MAMA NASTY NAMES REV. YES IT MIGHT BE TRUE,THAT SHE DID RAISE A FOUL OAF, BUT IT'S NOT ENTIRELY HER FAULT THAT I TURNED OUT DUMB ALL OVER, A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE. SO NO, I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND THAT ANYBODY VISIT SIR RICHARD PUMP A LOAF'S BAKERY, TO SEE SOME OF THE RAREST FRANK ZAPPA AND RELATED ITEMS KNOWN TO MANKIND, AND IF YOUR WIFE TELLS YOU THAT SHE'LL STICK YOUR BALLS IN A VICE IF YOU BUY JUST ONE MORE ZAPPA RECORD, BUT THAT REV. A. WEST TELLS YOU TO BUY THE RECORD ANYWAY, BECAUSE YOU MIGHT EVEN LIKE IT. DON'T BELIEVE HIM, BECAUSE IT HURTS!!! 

HEY LARRY, BEFORE YOU START JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN WILD ABANDONMENT SCREAMING " WOW MAN, IF I HADN'T BEEN A DIRTY HIPPIE THAT THOUGHT EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FREE BACK IN 1967, OR SIMPLY A CHEAP SWINE, I MIGHTA' SENT IN $1 TO UNITED MUTATIONS AND HAVE HAD THIS LIBRETTO BACK THEN ", THIS LIBRETTO, WHICH INCLUDES THE SONG LYRICS WITH AN INTRODUCTION BY FRANK ZAPPA IS A REPRINT. NOT THE ORIGINAL 1967 LIBRETTO, BUT DOES OF COURSE CONTAIN ALL OF THE SONG LYRICS ON THIS ALBUM. SO HERE'S YOUR CHANCE PERHAPS TO GET THE ALBUM AND A COPY OF THE LIBRETTO, THEN YOU CAN ONCE AGAIN REGAIN YOUR STATUS AND ACTUALLY SING ALONG WITH THE SONGS ON THIS ALBUM AND KNOW ALL OF THE WORDS. . SO WADDA YEZ WAITIN' FOR, HUH? 

SIDE ONE CONTAINS: PLASTIC PEOPLE - THE DUKE OF PRUNES - AMNESIA VIVANCE - THE DUKE REGAINS HIS CHOPS - CALL ANY VEGETABLE - INVOCATION & RITUAL DANCE OF THE YOUNG PUMPKIN - SOFT-SELL CONCLUSION & ENDING OF SIDE # 1.

SIDE TWO CONTAINS: AMERICA DRINKS - STATUS BACK BABY - UNCLE BERNIE'S FARM - SON OF SUZY CREAMCHEESE - BROWN SHOES DON'T MAKE IT - AMERICA DRINKS & GOES HOME.

A REALLY NICE HEAVY CARDBOARD GATEFOLD COVER. AMAZING CONDITION FOR A 42 YEAR OLD ALBUM COVER OR REALLY ANY ALBUM COVER. VERY LITTLE WEAR EVEN IN THE DARK AREAS. SOME LIGHT EDGE WEAR AND ABOUT A HALF INCH SEAM SPLIT AT ONE OF THE VERY EDGES OF THE RECORD SLOT. MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK CLOSE ENOUGH TO NOTICE OR EVEN BOTHER TO MENTION STUFF LIKE THAT. ALL IN ALL THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST CONDITION ORIGINAL ABSOLUTELY FREE ALBUM COVERS THAT I'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME AND JUST MIGHT BE THE BEST . 

A HEAVY VINYL RECORD THAT SOUNDED GREAT WHEN I PLAYED IT ON MY DENON TURNTABLE WITH A DENON MOVING COIL CARTRIDGE HOOKED UP TO A HEAD AMP. YES LARRY, THIS KIND OF CARTRIDGE TRACKS BOTH SIDES OF THE GROOVE AND IN SOME RARE INSISTENCES WILL ACTUALLY ALLOW THE LISTENER TO HEAR WHAT THE GROUPIES WERE DOING IN THE SOUND BOOTHS DURING CERTAIN RECORDINGS . DID I SAY IT PLAYED GREAT? WELL ACTUALLY IT WAS CLOSER TO PERFECT. ABSOLUTELY NP POPS, NO CLICKS, NO SKIPS AND VIRTUALLY NO SURFACE NOISE. I'LL TELL YA' FOLKS, IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER I'D HAVE THOUGHT THAT T WAS MADE LAST YEAR NOT 42 YEARS AGO AND IN FACT I'VE HEARD PLENTY OF REISSUES OF THIS ALBUM SOUND MUCH WORSE. VISUALLY MOVING BOTH SIDES OF THE RECORD 'ROUND 'N 'ROUND UNDER A PAIR OF 100 WATT LIGHT BULBS I WAS ABLE TO FIND A VERY FEW LIGHT SCUFFS, BUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT VERY LIGHT AND NONE AFFECTED THE PLAY ANYWAY. THE LABELS LOOK PERFECT, NO SPINDLE MARKS AT ALL. YEAH, I COULD HAVE JUST SAID NEAR MINT AND BEEN FINISHED WITH IT, BUT SINCE I LIVE A BORING MISERABLE EXISTENCE AND SIMPLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO I JUST SIT AROUND AND DESCRIBE EVERYTHING. THE ORIGINAL VERVE RECORDS PAPER INNER SLEEVE IS INCLUDED THAT HAS SOME YELLOWING, WRINKLES AND A SEAM SPLIT, BUT YOU'LL BE THRILLED TO KNOW THAT NOT ONLY A COLLECTOR'S TYPE OF SLEEVE IS INCLUDED WITH THIS RECORD, BUT DUE TO THE FACT THAT WEEZE TIGHT, I'M GONNA GIVE YEZ A PLASTIC OUTER SLEEVE ABSOLUTELY FREE. YES, YOU'LL GET THE LIBRETTO COPY TOO. IT'LL THRILL YA, CLEAN YA, KEEP YA REGULAR AND NOW YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SING ALONG WTH THE RECORD AT YOUR NEXT BONGO PARTY OR WEENY ROAST AND ACTUALLY GET THE LYRICS RIGHT.

PAYMENT BY PAYPAL ONLY.

JUST PAY FOR THE RECORD WHEN YOU PURCHASE OR WIN IT. COMBINED SHIPPING IS AVAILABLE, BUT SINCE I WANT MY LISTINGS TO LOOK LIKE THOSE OF THE BIG TIME SELLERS, WHO JUST LOVE TO MAKE EVERY ASPECT OF BUYING ANYTHING A HASSEL, YOU'LL NEED TO READ THE OUTRAGEOUS TERMS IN THE FINE PRINT FIRST: TO QUALITY FOR COMBINED SHIPPING YOU MUST FIRST MEET THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENTS: . BUY MORE THAN ONE ITEM FROM ME THAT CAN BE SENT TOGETHER, NOT ONE FROM ME AND ANOTHER ITEM FROM SOME FOUL OAF. . MAKE PAYMENT INCLUDING THE SHIPPING CHARGE FOR THOSE ITEMS TO ME, NOT PAY ME FOR ONE OF THEM, BUT SPEND THE REST OF THE MONEY BUYING TACOS AT SOME GREASY TACO STAND UNDE INVESTIGATION BY THE LOCAL HEALTH DEPARTMENT. . ARE NOT NOW, HAVE NEVER BEEN, AND PROMISE IN THE FUTURE NEVER TO BE, ANY OF THE FOLLOWING: NUISANCE [B} BLIMP JACK O' LOAF LARRY'S MOTHER  THE IDIOT THAT GOT OFFENDED BY MY LISTINGS TELLING ME THAT I SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF. . CAUGHT SLOBBERING DRUNK AT THE PALOMINO, AND AS A RESULT RECEIVING UP TO, AND INCLUDING 30 DAYS IN SAN BER'DINO. YOUR BUTTOCKS MUST NOT PROTRUDE FURTHER THAN SEVERAL FEET FROM YOUR BODY FRAME WHILE YOU WADDLE DOWN DE STREET. IN CASES OF PEOPLE WHO KEEP THEIR WALLETS IN THEIR BACK POCKETS, THE WALLET MAY BE REMOVED IN ORDER TO QUALIFY.

$4.00 FOR MEDIOCRE MAIL SHIPPING IN THE USA.

$7.00 FOR PRIORITY MAIL SHIPPING IN THE USA.

$8.00 FOR AIR MAIL SHIPPING TO CANADA.

$13.00 FOR AIR MAIL SHIPPING TO ANY OTHER LOCATION IN THE WORLD. 

SEND AN E-MAIL WITH ANY QUESTIONS, AND CHECK OUT MY OTHER FRANK ZAPPA AND THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION, CAPTAIN BEEFHEART [ DON VAN VLIET } AND THE MAGIC BAND STUFF FESTERING INSIDE O' MY E-BAY STORE. OK, OK, TO SAVE TIME, YEAH, FRANK ZAPPA WAS THAT GUY WHO JUST COULDN'T RESIST SITTING ON A TOILET.

WOW REV., WHAT A GREAT RECORD. YEAH, I'D LOVE TO GET IT, BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM, MY WIFE SAID THAT SHE'LL PUT MY BALLS IN A VICE IF I BUY JUST ONE MORE FRANK ZAPPA AND / OR RELATED ITEM. WHAT SHOULD I DO? WELL MY SON, THIS IS A COMMON PROBLEM CONFRONTING MANY PEOPLE IN THESE TROUBLING TIMES. YOU COULD ALWAYS GET RID OF THAT OLD BATTLE-AXE AND FIND AN 18 YEARS OLD GIRLFRIEND WITH LARGE BREASTS. BUT THINK ABOUT IT, I MEAN HOW BAD WOULD GETTING YOUR BALLS STUCK IN A VICE REALLY BE? YOU MIGHT EVEN LIKE IT. SO VISIT MY E-BAY STORE: SIR RICHARD PUMP A LOAF'S BAKERY TO FIND SOME OTHER INCREDIBLE FRANK ZAPPA AND RELATED RECORDS. YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR BALLS STUCK IN A VICE ANYWAY, RIGHT? THE ADMISSION IS STILL FREE. SO WADDA YEZ WAITIN' FOR, HUH?